A normal person, please......

I manage the bar at a country club and we placed an ad in the paper, soliciting for a bartender--I interviewed almost 40 people. I hired one. TRUE recants of the day:

1) Almost half of the applicants did not bring a writing utencil.

2) The first male applicant had 'WHITE BOYZZ' tattooed across his knuckles. He asked me if his ink was a problem for the company. "This is a friggin country club, buddy!!!"

3) One gal had so much collagen injected into her lips, she could hardly talk. Or maybe, it was due to her gigantic tongue ring; I am not sure which caused her verbal imparement.

4) A bartender who bragged about all of his female-beer-guzzling-admirers, then casually mentioned he was fired from his last bar, due to accusations of stealing.

5) I cannot forget the middle-aged lady, who looked like Lady Marmalade. Her overprocessed platinum colored hair, shiny pink corset with a dark pink bra peeking out, lycra peddle-pushers and sky-high platform heels that only strippers wear and of course, she reeked of cigarettes.

One looser after another. I endured six solid hours of interviews for practically nothing. Where are the normal people, I ask?